I’m washing the dishes,
brushing my teeth, 
making my bed, 
when I yell 
SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP
don’t think about that go away
I don’t want you here I don’t want you now
no one wants you go away

and I’m washing the dishes again
but it creeps up the back of my neck
and so I grab the air around my head
and hold it in a fist 
and tell it to
SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP
be quiet no one likes you
especially not me and if you go away
I’ll go downstairs and finally go through my closet
and donate those bags to goodwill and write that thank you note
but just shut up and go away

and I’m brushing my teeth again
and I do nothing about it
and I stare in the mirror until the toothpaste drips down my fingers
and my gums bleed
but it’s still there
so I shake my head
left right left
and tuck my fitted sheet under my mattress
and stand up
and smile to the sky,
big and unaffected,
like a little kid,
for 30 seconds,
shoving it all down,
like everything is okay.