I DON’T WANT TO FAIL
I can feel failure creeping up on me like him.
I don’t realize I have a choice until later,
I CAN DO BETTER,
but he’s at every turn,
deep in the dread of the world,
all my friends,
himself.
I DON’T WANT TO LOSE WHAT I DON’T HAVE YET,
I can feel my future at the edge of my fingertips,
the you feel me?s turn to fuck you!s
and
death is a solution to no problems,
and
to turn a page means to be afraid of what’s to come,
not to find someone/thing/where new
and 
when did it become not okay for me to 
crack my knuckles, light candles, eat cookies.
I feel all these little words that add up to nothing but disillusion,
monachopsis, ochisia, etterath, yu-yi, foilsick, drisson,
and
Maybe Mr. Rogers Was Wrong.

Jaded is a word that salivates and satisfies more quickly than special.